Becoming a Parent
Imagine holding your newborn baby in your hands. It’s a feeling which cannot be paralleled by any other joy in this world. It is just fantastic. Here you are with your child in whom you visualize your childhood giving you a chance to live life in that lane once again.
There are a lot of things which must be considered whenever a couple plans for a baby, which may or may not be their first child. This is rather an instinctive and natural act, but you can increase your probability of conceiving by taking care of certain things. Parenting is an amazing experience.
Factors Affecting the Likelihood of Conceiving:
By gaining knowledge of certain things, you can build upon the likelihood of getting pregnant this time. These factors are:
• Women should primarily get familiar with their cycle of ovulation. Fertilization only during the journey of egg towards the uterus. Hence, it is extremely important that women get familiar with their ovulation cycle.
• Mostly this occurs on the 14th day of the menstrual cycle, supposing that menstruation occurs on day 1. Fertility will be the highest for about 2 weeks from the time your penultimate period begins which lasts for around 3 days.
• Male fertility decreases after frequent ejaculations. So, it is advisable for the couple, especially men, to hold and abstain themselves from any sexual activity for some time before ovulation period begins. Due to this, the male ejaculation will have a greater count of sperms and hence the chance of getting pregnant will increase.
• Both parents must try to abstain themselves from smoking. Ovary responsiveness to fertility stimulation by medication is reduced by cigarette smoke due to which the likelihood of conceiving decreases. Though there is no effect on sperm count, for reasons of solidarity, even men must quit smoking as this will help in improving the mother’s health in general.
• Keep a check on the type of food and drinks that you will be consuming. Weekly alcohol intake must be limited to just 4 drinks. Men having sperm counts which are low must totally stop drinking.
• Caffeine consumption by women should also be limited to just 2 cups per day as drinking more coffee reduces your conception chances and even after you have conceived, chances of miscarriage will be increased if you consume 4 cups or more of coffee daily.
• It is imperative to have a proper diet. Ability of getting pregnant does get affected by your health. Being underweight or overweight may lead to complications at the time of pregnancy.
• Consult a qualified fertility specialist for proper guidelines regarding conception and pregnancy.
Parenting, though tough, is an extremely wonderful and rewarding experience. Make sure you begin on the right note.
Proper Parenting-The Spiritual Consideration
Parenting is indeed a tough job. Every time you would be faced by various answers and alternatives. What seemed right earlier may not be considered ideal by you now after giving second thoughts. Consequently, you may end up getting totally confused and frustrated if you do not get the desired results with your decisions. Decisions for supporting you child must be made very wisely.
Making the Right Decision:
Introspection can be useful. By asking yourself, whether you are on the right track or not and also asking whether you have the solution to your problems or not, you will eventually make a correct decision. Usually, the answers to all of the life’s questions reside in us only. We just need to shake our spirit a bit. You should maintain faith in the divinity of the god. Through this faith, more often than not, you will get the answers to all the parenting questions regarding the when/what/where/who and most importantly how.
It doesn’t matter, if you have an academically challenged, shy, socially immature, ADHD or ADD labeled child, maintaining faith in the divine is the only thing that you need to do. After all, it is only because of this divine connection, that your child thrives in this world as a Spiritual being.
Guided By Your Spirit:
By feeling relaxed and letting your life be guided by your spirit at every junction of your parenting journey makes this journey an easier one to go past through. This also has a very positive effect on your child. The child learns to keep faith and live in the divine presence. This will help him understand that each situation must be approached with balance Wisdom, Love and Power. If you keep faith and adopt this method of living each day, you will see that all your experiences will unfold themselves in a special manner, substantiating the divine presence in all the situations.
The supreme role model of a child is his/her parents. They continuously watch you and try to imitate and learn all that you do. Your consciousness influences them the most. So, while using spiritual principles for finding answers to various circumstances in your everyday life, you make your child learn and follow in the same way.
The Correct Way:
Right way of parenting includes a lot of things. Some of them are:
• You must dedicate some time exclusively to yourself everyday by doing things like meditating, running, praying, walking, reading inspirational stuff, journals, etc.
• Identify your real magnificence by allowing the divine power of filling your each day with a lot of Love.
• Always maintain faith in the divine power which is supporting your family.
• Don’t get frustrated or confused while making decisions. Use your inner wisdom and conscience to make decisions.
• Feel the presence of the love of the divine within you and express it in all of your relationships.
• Be receptive and open to all the guidance provided by your spirit.
If this formula is used for creating balance in our family lives, instead of looking towards your family for filling your empty soul with love, you will come home totally filled with the love of the divine guiding you at each and every step. Parenting becomes easier because of this belief as you tend to think that your child also connects with the same divine power that you live from.
This is how proper parenting is done!
Parenting Teens
As children grow, their needs also grow. Adolescence brings with it a lot of confusion and changes for a child. Teenagers often struggle with deciphering their roles, personalities and relationships. Parents have a huge rule here for providing their little ones with a feeling of stability in such times of turmoil. By crafting a fair set of standards and family rules, parents can help their teenaged child flourish properly. Such rules act like steadying devices in the spinning heads and confused world of teenagers.
Every Action Has A Reaction:
It is very important to discipline teenagers. They need to be continuously told about the repercussions of their certain actions. Enforcing rules may be perceived rudely by children. For preventing this, you can involve children also while setting boundaries for them. They need to be informed about the consequences that they will need to face if they break the rules. By involving children in deciding the boundaries, rules and punishments, all the possibilities of them arguing these rules as well as punishments go away. Appropriate behavior is now expected from them. They cannot claim that the punishments given out to them and the expectations held from them are unfair. Parents no longer need to forcefully impress the punishments on their child for their wrongdoings. This can be done calmly now.
As a result, there is no enticement left for the parents for reacting emotionally if their child has broken some rule. This is because the consequences of breaking the rules are already established with the child’s consent involved in it too. Hence the parental authority is not thought to be assaulted by some action of the child as the rules are decided by the entire family. This may not stop the child from breaking rules every time but it surely helps the parents in avoiding the power struggle between them and their teenaged child.
Psychological Control Is Uncalled For:
Often lot of confusion exists between psychological control and discipline. While demanding your child to behave in a certain kind of way, you should also give them space for thinking differently and encourage them to express their opinions even if they conflict your opinion. Controlling the behavior of a child does not mean that you should control how your child thinks. They force the child to think according to them by withdrawing love, using guilt and invalidating beliefs or feelings.
Parents should be very careful in this regard. They should also discuss and consider the interpretation of their child about their experiences and should not force the exclusivity of their opinion over their teenager’s opinion. By giving interpretation and explanation of various events, parents should help their children understand the world but they should not force this interpretation on their teenager’s thinking. This is called psychological control. It is very important to see that your teenager does not perceive your forcefulness harshly. It can be damaging as the teenager may end up feeling totally crushed and may harbor a feeling of revolt in his mind.
Boys are found to report against their parents’ psychological control more often than girls. This may be because parents relate to their teenage boys differently as compared to their teenage girls or boys naturally perceive things differently than girls. The exact reason is still not clearly known.
By peacefully enforcing the family rules regarding behavior on your child, you can alleviate all the problems linked with discipline and psychological control. If the child has a problem with rules breaking, then more often than not, parents resort to greater psychological control and lesser behavior control. This starts a never ending, damaging cycle. As teenagers suffer with lack of attention and greater psychologically control, they respond by acting out and become even more delinquent. This cycle can be broken by the parents if they treat their children’s misbehavior with more monitoring instead of controlling it by means of withdrawing love, inducing guilt or any other kind of psychological control. Consequently, the child also responds with improved behavior.
Managing Your Relationship with Your Teen ager:
Three things are essential in this regard:
1. Positive Relationship:
Developing a positive and lovable relationship is very important for success. Interactions with your child should be kind, warm, consistent and full of love and respect. This will help in the development of your relationship, spirituality, self esteem, mental health and social skills.
2. Show Interest:
By showing interest in your teenager’s activities, you can monitor their behavior which will help in keeping them out of any kind of trouble. When misbehavior occurs, children show less resistance in accepting the rules as they were present when they were framed. Consequently, it is found that the children’s abilities for living up to their parents’ expectations also grow.
3. Encourage individual expression and thought and provide them with the necessary time, boundaries and love required for it:
By doing this, inculcate a feeling of self as well as ability of resisting peer pressure in your children. Parents would eventually enjoy the adventure of their children’s adolescence by watching them grow in stature, independence and making decisions on their road to becoming fine, young adults, reminding them of the thrill that they experienced when they held their newborn for the very first time.
Controlling the child’s behavior and not the child will yield greater success and cause lesser amount of grief!
Parenting a teenager needs sincere efforts!
Jeff Allen a popular comedian has humorously described teenagers as the revenge of God for humanity. Parenting a teenager is a very challenging task. Think how you would feel when your teenager tells you that you know nothing.
Getting the Teenager’s Perspective:
The common problems that a teenager will tell you about him/her are:
• People who never understand them try to control them like parents.
• Dealing with school and friends.
• Not having any say in making decisions and being dependent.
• Confusion over boy/girl friends.
• Never being able to meet your parent’s expectations.
• Being held responsible for just about everything that goes wrong only because of the plain reason that they are teenagers.
• Being forced to believe that whatever their parents say or do, it is right.
On top of this the benefits of being a teenager are:
• Trying new things.
• Immature behavior is acceptable.
• Lots of energy, time and dreams for the future available.
• Relationships, friends, vacations, no work, getting a new driving license
Parental Challenges:
After having a look at a teenager’s perspectives, we can easily understand the challenges faced by a teenager’s parent. They must accept that teenagers have different social lives and schedules. They need to be given some freedom too, just like you had desired for when you were a teenager. Rather than forcing your decisions on them, it’s better to discuss calmly with them. These are indeed difficult things to remember but parents can find solace in the following facts:
1. There are many others like you:
Almost all the parents of teenagers have to face this. Your parents also did. Discussing with other people who are also parents of teenagers can help.
2. Keep Calm:
Parents need to control their peace of mind as the irrational behavior of teenagers and the confused times when an adolescent is making a transition to adulthood can be quite distressing for the parents too. More often than not, you will be on the verge of loosing your cool as teenagers have a habit of acting without thinking. They also readily speak their mind out if someone tries to invade their way of living. These things can not only hurt you but make even tend to get you extremely irritated. Act wisely and think twice before venting your anger on your teenager. It may not be the right time just as yet.
3. It’s Just A Phase:
Parents need to understand that this chaos associated with their teenagers will pass away someday just like their toddler years had passed away. Looking back will provide you with some really positive and cherished memories.
4. Each Day Brings New Challenges:
Challenges like power struggles, arguments, lack of communication and others are a common place in this phase of life. It also presents new avenues for your own growth too. Do not get overwhelmed by the troubled times ever.
5. Don’t Lose Your Humor:
By sporting a humorous attitude towards the chaos being created by your teenager, it will become easier for you to live this phase.
6. Marriage Is The Prime Priority:
You should not allow parenting to march into your marital intimacy. Maintain enough nearness with your partner. After all, parenting years are temporary but marriage is for a lifetime.
Whether you are experienced or a newbie, parenting teens is always a challenging job.
Managing Yourself as Parents As Well As Our Teenagers
Teenagers need to face issues related to emotions and questions of separation, identity, relationship and purpose. As teens are becoming even more independent, their relationship with their parents is also changing. This leads to confusion, frustration, reactive behavior and anger from both teens and parents. Unless parents make an effort for changing their behavior, they cannot help in changing the behavior of their teens. Rather than reacting, we must respond to situations and towards each other. Anger must be controlled, not denied and used in a rather proactive way.
Managing Anger:
Following things can be done for managing anger:
• Look within your own self and try to sort out the issues causing anger by trying to resolve the conflict within you.
• Make sure that you are controlling your emotions and it is not the other way round.
• Discover the reasons which make you feel angry and find ways to control the way you are expressing your anger.
• Effective communication is a must.
• Don’t hold any grudge in your heart for what has happened.
• Don’t use your anger to intimidate your child as might backfire or isolate yourself.
• Direct your anger’s energy in constructive purposes rather.
• Learn to identify the physical signals associated with anger before it gets directed to someone.
• Identify the situations and sources of your anger.
• Don’t keep unreasonable expectations.
What Can Be Done?
For having a healthy, conflict free relationship with your teenager, you can do the following things:
• Understand the circumstances from a teenager’s lookout and try to focus on their feelings by listening to them. Accusing and blaming only adds up to the conflict and brings an end to all kinds of possible communication.
• Meditate, relax, express your feelings, adhere to the facts and always live in the moment at our hand.
• Express your love and care towards your teenager.
• Choose calm behavior over feelings of anger and work out a win-win solution between you and your teenager.
Influence of Friends on your Teenage Boy / Girl:
Peer Pressure
Everyone including children cherish the feeling of connecting with someone who understands you and shares your interests, attitude as well as circumstances too. Someone who accepts and likes you the way you are will always be seen in good light. These are your child’s friends or peers. Peers critically influence the identity of your teenager. In fact, peer opinion matters more to your child than your opinion.
Searching For Self Identity:
Teenagers spend a lot of time with their friends or peers without any kind of parental supervision. They feel independent and connect very well with their peers. They try to make a new identity for themselves which is quite different from the perception of their parents. While many parents are very supportive of the abilities, traits and backgrounds that their teenager possesses which makes the teen feel confident and proud about himself, but still peers or friends accept their thoughts, feelings and actions more readily on their way to searching for their self identity.
Peer Pressure:
Peers influence in a big way on how one thinks, dresses, behaves, etc…This influence can be positive as well as negative.
1. Positive:
Depending on your teenager’s self esteem, self reliance and self identity, peer relationships and healthy relationships are developed. Peer pressure mobilizes your teenager’s energy, encourages him towards health behavior and motivates him for success. Peers also act as role models by demonstrating proper social behavior. Peers listen to your teenager’s problems and they understand and accept the concerns, challenges and frustration of living life as a teenager.
2. Negative:
Feelings of acceptance, belonging and approval are very important during teenager years. Those teenagers who are facing isolation from their family or peers may do risky things in order to get accepted in a particular group. In such cases, peer pressure impairs your judgment and makes you behave rather in a way which is risky. This distances a teenager from his family and lures him towards undertaking dangerous actions.
For example, teenagers suffering from learning disabilities, ADHD are not accepted by their peers because of their unusual behavior in respect to their age and hence they might resort to doing dangerous things to gain acceptance. Girls are often found to get involved in sexual relationships in their search for approval, acceptance and love. Also your teenager may get used to drugs and immoral behavior and this downslide just goes on. The repercussions of these negative effects can be:
• Losing your moral values.
• Being grounded by their parents and losing their trust.
• Face imprisonment.
• Gang involvement, authority defiance and substance abuse leads to law problems.
• School or academic problems.
• Leading secret, dark lives which are dangerous and different from what people perceive of them during their normal life behavior. These people behave properly when in adult company but get back to their dangerous ways once they are surrounded by their peers.
Peer relationships which are positive must be supported by parents by providing their teenagers with time, love, boundaries and encouragement for thinking about themselves. You must love and value your teenager at home as a separate individual. Never back up from showing feelings of care.
It is very important that your teenager learns to balance independence as well as the thirst for being like others and connecting to your peers.
Identifying Violent Behavior
Violence is not a natural but learnt behavior:
You should protect your child from seeing violence in the neighborhood, community, from their friends or family members. Internet, video games, television, music videos and movies help in reinforcing violent behavior in children. A child learns what he sees or experiences. Verbal abuse and punishment should not be used to discipline your child. Similarly they should be prevented from experiencing or seeing sexual or physical abuse.
Risk Factors:
We can reduce or prevent violent behavior by significantly reducing or eliminating the following risk factors:
1. Sexual abuse or physical abuse.
2. Having to face violence at home or community or in media like movies and TV. This is rather the most important prevention that should be taken.
3. Keeping away from alcohol and drugs.
4. Firearms should not be kept at home.
5. Socio-economic reasons such as marital break ups, unemployment, single parenting, severe deprivation and poverty.
Identify The Ringing Of The Alarm:
Help must be provided if a child starts to exhibit the following signs which could potentially lead to violence:
• Written or verbal violent threats.
• Violent, aggressive and uncontrollable behavior in the past.
• Possessing weapons like guns and carrying it to school and other places.
• Threats or suicide attempts in the past or in the family history.
• Having to face shame, humiliation, rejection or loss recently.
• Not accepting responsibility for his actions and blaming it on others.
• Intimidating or bullying young children and peers.
• Having to face sexual, emotional or physical abuse or neglect in the past or witnessing the same at home or community.
• Depression and death expressions occurring often in conversations, reading or written selections and artwork.
• Having extreme liking towards violent music, movies, magazines, books, comics, internet sites, video games and TV shows.
• Suffering from depression or mental illness like mania, bipolar disorder and psychosis.
• Using illicit drugs and alcohol and behaving delinquently at school and community.
• Vandalism or property destruction in the past.
• Fire setting behavior and behaving cruelly with animals.
• Gang involvement, social isolation or poor relationship with their friends.
• No parental or adult supervision, care or support.
• An entitlement sense which makes him/her believe that he/she can get all that he/she wants at any expense.
If you see any of these signs in your children, then they definitely need help. The more the number of signs, the higher the amount of risk. However, children may sometimes show these signs but they would never turn to violent behavior.
Preventing Violence
A child learns what he sees or experiences. Therefore you must safeguard your child from various evils.
Things to Do:
Following things can be taken care of for preventing violence:
• Remove all firearms like guns and dangerous materials from your home to prevent your child and his/her friends from accessing them.
• Hide the gun from other family members who are abusive, depressed, use alcohol and drugs or are suffering from Alzheimer’s disease.
• Keep the gun unloaded always and lock it away in some place away from where the bullets are kept and the key must be kept by some responsible adult. Usually teenagers act first and think later. They should not have access to a gun in times of anger or depression as they can harm or kill others as well as themselves in such a frame of mind.
• Remove the gun from your house so that a depressed or troubled adult or teenager will never have it at all. By doing this, the likelihood of having a suicide attempt at your place decreases by 5 times.
• Consult a qualified health professional dealing with mental problems for your child to prevent him from violent behavior. Adolescent specialists are also available in this regards. The treatment focuses on making your child learn the following things:
1. Controlling anger.
2. Expressing frustration and anger in proper ways.
3. Accepting responsibility for their actions.
4. Accepting consequences.
5. Addressing school problems, community issues and family conflicts.
Things to Be Done During Emergency Situations:
During Emergency situations when others as well as you are supposedly in danger and your child does not accept help, it becomes imperative to call for the police or some other kind of assistance who will handle your child and take him/her for some treatment or evaluation to some emergency room. Despite trying very hard, parents still cannot have a total control of their child’s activities and the adolescent gets booked for law problems more often than not.
Taking Help from The Law:
Because of various reasons such as misjudgments, search for independence and peer pressure, the child gets involved in unlawful activities leading to his arrest. These cases are processed at the local justice system’s juvenile cell. These justice systems are different for different communities and hence you must primarily inquire about the functioning of your local system in the area that you live if your adolescent child gets booked by this juvenile cell for involving in unlawful activities. Various things to be known are:
• The child was arrested for what offense.
• Is detaining the child and posting of bond required?
• Is the release of the child in the parent’s custody possible (allowed if the child has been arrested for the first time or for minor offences)?
• What will the child’s police record tell about this arrest and what will be its repercussions?
• If the child is produced in a juvenile court, where can assistance be acquired?
By gaining this knowledge you will be able to advocate outcomes which will help in teaching your child the right lesson and making him aware of the repercussions of his wrongdoing. All this can be done without hurting the future prospects of your child.
Categories of Juvenile Cases:
Juvenile cases are processed under three categories:
1. Neglect/Abuse Cases:
These cases deal with the mistreatment of a child by his/her parents. The courts must compulsorily take the legal custody of the child temporarily for the child’s protection. According to the prevailing state of affairs, the court may also have to necessarily take the physical custody of the child and get him/her out of the home of their parents. Foster care or the relative’s home are two options where the child may be placed.
2. Status Cases:
These cases deal with children who have run away from their home or are frequently absent from their school or someone who cannot be controlled by their parents.
3. Delinquencies:
These cases deal with those children who have carried out an offense or an unlawful activity. Hence they have violated the law and would have been charged under criminal proceedings if he/she were an adult.
Processing Of Juvenile Cases:
For minor offenses, charges against the child are dropped by diverting him to some program concerned with volunteer and community service. If the child is produced in a juvenile court, local system’s structure, prosecutor’s office’s actions and whether treatment programs or diversions are available or not, will decide what might be expected from the court. Staff of the juvenile court can answer this too. This staff is made up of probation or intake department personnel who are responsible for conducting preliminary investigations providing the judges of the juvenile court with the support information useful for deciding on dispositions. You can request for a counsel from the office of public defender if you are unable to seek a private legal counsel due to financial reasons. The teenager must be present throughout the processing which includes court hearings, meetings with various people and staff of the juvenile court such as intake staff and treatment program or diversionary program staff.
The justice systems concerned with juvenile cases primarily want to help the youth in getting their lives back on the right track. Punishing them is just one way of letting them know about their wrongdoings. Punishment is never the main intent. But still the parents must advocate properly for their child. Alternatives are available for detention, court decisions and court hearings. For example, the child may be sent to a diversionary or treatment program. By involving actively in the child’s case, the parent actually sends positive signals to the judge. This thing is also given a thought while passing the verdict.
Bonds Tightened:
Such crisis situation brings the child closer to his/her parents and the relationship is further tightened and reaffirmed. Youth look up to their parents in demand of protection and support. Parents also get an opportunity to express their support, love and care in these troubled situations. This helps in strengthening the interpersonal connections between different members of the family as well as teaching the child with the art of dealing with crisis situations and more importantly getting his back on the right track.
These circumstances teach the child the ultimate truth of honesty, compassion and love which will go a long way in making a bright future for them and their family life too.
Helping the Teen in realizing the value of Money
Currently, it looks that day by day the amount of goods are on a rise, which teenagers desire to purchase. A lot of those accessories are high in cost like Clothes, Video games, Branded games shoes, Mp3 players
Why Educating The Teen About The Importance Of Money?
There are many people who unfortunately are not rich enough to buy costly things for their teens on daily basis. Due to this, it is extremely essential for the parents to assist them in comprehending the worth of money.
When to Educate Your Children about It?
It is seriously imperative to begin to educate your kids concerning money at a youthful time. Beginning at nearly the time when the child is 10, you must supply them with some money each week, which they can use according to their choice. Do not just give out money, instead make them perform some household activities of their choice and as a reward, grant them some bucks. It is essential that you should not put restriction on what they want to buy and also this will mean that you should not purchase anything for them with your money. This is a good approach as it helps the child in realizing that if he uses up all the money right away, then there would not be enough money to buy some other costly item of their choice.
Take Your Kids Help In Making Financial Arrangements:
It is extremely imperative for kids to take hold of how to make financial arrangements at an early age, so that they realize the prices of items. Make the kids go to the shop along, while you leave for shopping and make them assist you in setting up house financial arrangements. Also, permit them to glance at the counter for the money spent when the time comes to purchase the items. This is a good way to make them realize about how costly the daily basis items possibly are.
By the time your kids enter the teenage period like 13 or 14 years of age, gradually add up the liabilities given to them along with their pocket money. For instance, supply them some money for their lunch and make them purchase lunch on their own. When you feel that they are ready to take more responsibilities, then guide them to make financial arrangements for buying bigger things like clothes or video games and make them restricted to that arrangement. Again, due to this, they will soon get educated on controlling their expenditure, if they want to purchase some costly things.
The Charm of Saving:
Once you have given pocket money to your children and feel that they are being careless with that money, cut out some amount until you think that they can grip it properly. The time will come when your teenage kid will obtain an employment, so it will be a good approach in making them get initiated with the perception of saving. Create a savings account and ask them to collect money in that account for some chief need like college admission. Along with that, make them place a minute amount of their earnings saved for some daily required things like for some video games or story books or novels. After making them save money for long-term and short-term needs, let them spend the rest of the money in any way they want.
Educating the teenagers about importance of money may possibly be counted as a long and time-consuming procedure which obtains an amount of minute approaches. Kids, specifically teenagers may possibly commit a lot of mistakes, but that’s how they can learn.
Importance of Conversing With the Teenager
Communication is one extremely vital characteristic while raising teenagers. You should provide them with wisdom of sympathy, acceptance, and maintenance. You should pay attention to their judgment. You should calmly converse about any circumstances. You can even talk about something which they did and which made you furious. You can even rebuke them as a result of not performing a deed, which they were asked to do. The method which we use to react to them will verify whether they will seek our suggestion for something next time or not.
Frustrated Teenager:
Your teenage child will agree to inform you, whenever he will get frustrated. He could also be offended by the means through which the conversation is heading. In such condition, he will never say anything directly but will instead use indirect phrases like “Whatever you say” or “You just don’t understand.” What can such remarks point out?
In such circumstances, a teenage child believes he has completely no contribution in issues that talk about his every day actions. He senses that you are taking him as a child by not letting him have an option to affirm any of his notions on the topic which is being discussed and that you are presently not paying attention to him.
Get a rapid account of when did you not listen to your teenager or did not pay attention to what he was suggesting in some matter. The above mentioned phrases mean that something is wrong and you should right away figure out on your own or ask the teenager, so that he will know how important he is.
A Scenario and How Can You Tackle It?
Have a look at the following scenario, followed by an approach of how to deal with it:
Suppose that one day your teenage child reaches home after school and informs you that a friend from his group has began smoking. Most likely, a lot of parents will right away start telling the teenager that they should not smoke at any cost and if found doing so, they will be penalized for it.
Hearing this, the teenager will most likely say “Sure” and go away. This will keep you dreaming whether he is intending to smoke or anything like that. But the reason behind such behavior is that he is annoyed of the way you dealt with him by lecturing him like a small kid instead of listening properly to him.
These dealings will escort to a strained affiliation, steady disagreement, and full irritation for both the parents and the teenager. Instead, you possibly should look out for what is going in his mind and the way he observes the circumstances. If the teenager comes to you with some tale or informs you about an act, which is being done by his friend, that will surely mean that they do hold a judgment concerning that exact condition. Grab the chance to discover your teenager’s:
• Significance
• Notions
• Judgments
Provide your teenager the significance of you being concerned with his view and would like to listen to it. He can possibly get less cautious to move toward you when next time something happens and will be enthusiastic to converse about whatsoever is running through his brain. Once his hesitance will go, he will talk about everything with you.
Instead of getting furious at you teenager, just think that he might be telling you about the “smoking” thing due to any of the following:
• To converse concerning how frustrated he is feeling for his friend.
• How irritated he is to his friend since he is aware that smoking is harmful to health.
• Your teenager may want you to feel proud on his for not selecting to smoke.
Helping the Teenager Fight Acne Problems
It may appear quite insignificant to numerous people but to a teenage child the appearance of acne may usually look like a stop of the planet. Majority teenagers are going to experience acne at any stage and they should think of it as being quite easygoing and not anything but just a problem. Though there are situations, when acne may possibly be harsh and will lead to a deprived physical outlook and infrequently also to severe despair.
What Can Lead To Acne And What Can Worsen It?
In all situations of acne, there are some guidelines that you can obtain to support the teenager to manage with the troubles created by acne.
A main difficulty with acne is that presently there are numerous legends concerning acne that your teenager is probable to listen in school or read on Internet. You should as a result start by getting some knowledge and realities on your own. Following are numerous main particulars about exactly what leads to acne and what things can give a worse outlook to acne problem:
• Genetics: Many children are going to get acne despite of what efforts they make to stop acne due to their genetics.
• A lot of Rubbing: Many teenagers consider rubbing and scratching over cleaning the skin properly in order to get away with acne. Even though hygiene is absolutely significant, rubbing the skin very strongly will generate troubles with the present pimples and will even multiply those pimples.
• Pressing Pimples: Majority of the teenagers simply cannot defy the excitement to burst their pimples. Nevertheless, it might appear that popping the pimples will make you seem improved right away but this popping holds long term troubles.
• Diet: The exact connection among acne and diet is not awfully comprehended properly for now, but there is definitely a relation between the two.
• Strain: Every time we uncover ourselves anguishing from strain, the substantial stability in our bodies gets disturbed and can lead to the troubles of acne to the teenagers.
• Makeup: A lot of teenagers, both males and females, try to apply makeup in order to bury their acne. This can nonetheless lead to problems both with respect to skin's capability to respire sufficiently and of acne’s response to the makeup selected.
What To Make The Teenager Comprehend:
The primary notion which your teenagers should realize is that acne is an innate element of the procedure of developing and of the hormonal transitions which are going inside their bodies. They should also comprehend that many teenagers will bear more compared to others but after all, it is just a thing which will go away with time.
It is always advisable that the teenagers should be guided about taking care of their skin even before they face acne era. Though, if acne is previously there then it is never much delayed and taking care of skin is what needs to be done and practice.
Teenagers are required to rinse their faces at least twice a day, which is in the morning and in the evening. After the acne era begins, they should rinse their faces with a specifically prepared acne soap bar that is available at majority of the supermarkets as well as pharmacies. An imperative thing to memorize is that rinsing the face twice is enough as a lot of rinsing can make the skin dry and make acne even bad.
Specific acne soaps are definitely very helpful but they will not provide results in a span of just one night, so the teenagers should have enough persistence to let it work finely. If the acne problem does not get better at all, then it is better to consult a doctor or a dermatologist. A doctor or dermatologist can suggest a firmer medicine which again will require time to actually work finely.
No doubt, the extremely significant approach that can be employed in assisting the teenager to manage with acne is to start beforehand. Your teenager can even be self-conscious upon the advent of acne and you may experience being unwilling to jump in and help if they have just one or two pimples. Starting the curing process beforehand can possibly be helpful in avoiding the acne problem and stop it from developing into a severe form.
The Temptation of Drugs among Teenagers
Before going into details, it is important to know what drug really is. A drug is any kind of chemical which can develop a beneficial or non-beneficial consequence on our bodies.
Chemicals are an extensive division of materials, inclusive of drugs, which possibly will or will not create obvious consequences in the body. A lot of chemicals like tin, lead, gold have injurious consequences on the body, particularly in elevated measures. A lot of foods are not drugs. For instance, alcohol is a drug but is not categorized as being food regardless of the fact that it supplies calories. Nicotine is a chemical which is even a drug.
Teenagers Getting Inclined Towards Drugs:
Teenagers can possibly be implicated with official or prohibited drugs in diverse methods. Having a try of drugs, while in teenage years is universal. Unluckily, teenagers frequently do not distinguish the connection among their measures today and the outcomes tomorrow. They even have an inclination to feel everlasting and resistant to the troubles that others undergo.
Taking alcohols as well as tobacco during an early age increment the dangers of utilizing other drugs in upcoming time. Several teenagers will test and discontinue, or keep on continuing to take infrequently, devoid of noticeable troubles.
Teenage era is a period for experimenting with innovative things. Teenagers employ drugs due to several causes inclusive of inquisitiveness, as it gives a wonderful feeling, to decrease strain, to have a touch to feel like a grown up or to feel cool. It is complicated to distinguish which teenagers will test and discontinue and which will increase severe troubles.
Who Is In Danger?
Teenagers at threat for creating severe alcohol and drug troubles are inclusive for those:
• with a family background of material mistreatment
• who are unhappy
• who have this approach of being outside ordinary
Common Legal and Illegal Drugs:
Teenagers abuse a variety of drugs, legal and illegal, like:
• Tobacco: Teenagers who are habitual of smoking are three times more expected to take alcohol as compared to nonsmokers, eight times more expected to take marijuana, and 22 times more expected to take cocaine. Smoking is related with a crowd of other dangerous acts like being aggressive and involving in unsafe sex.
Prescribed Medications: Prescriptions like Ritalin, Adderall, and OxyContin.
• Inhalants: Recognized by those road forenames as gasping, blubbering and swinging, the hazardous customs of getting escalated by breathing the smokes of familiar domestic things has declared to affect the lives of thousands of children every year. A lot of teenagers inclusive of first-time abusers suffer from severe respiratory difficulties and eternal brain injury.
Prescriptions for cough, cold, sleep, and diet medications, like Coricidin, which are widely available.
• Marijuana: Nearly 50% US population have taken marijuana, several are presently taking it and some will need cure for marijuana misuse.
• Stimulants: The probable long-term consequences are inclusive of lenience and reliance, anger and violence, starvation because of repression of hunger. Crack, which is an extremely fanatic stimulant, is the word utilized for a smoke able kind of cocaine. According to a survey in 1997, nearly 1.5 million Americans, of ages 12 and older, were constant addicts of cocaine.
• Club Drugs: This phrase reflects to drugs which are taken by teenagers and youthful adults during late night parties, dance clubs and bars. MDMA (Ecstasy), GHB, Rohypnol, ketamine, methamphetamine, and LSD are few of the club or party drugs which are famous among teenagers and young adults. As most of club drugs do not have color, taste, and smell, they can be blended modestly to normal drinks by folks who desire to tranquilize others. In current times, there have been increments in the number of sexual harassments caused by club drugs
• Depressants: They are such drugs which are taken medicinally to reduce nervousness, bad temper, and anxiety. There is an elevated possibility for mistreatment and when blended with alcohol can cause dangerous outcomes.
• Heroin: Numerous resources specify an enhancement in innovative, youthful users throughout the nation who are getting attracted by low-cost, high-purity heroin which can be inhaled or even smoked in place of getting injected. Heroin is also emerging in more wealthy societies.
• Steroids: Constructive metabolism steroids are a cluster of dominant compounds personally associated to the male sex hormone namely testosterone.
The employment of unlawful drugs is growing, particularly between youthful teenagers. The typical age of initial marijuana usage is 14, and alcohol usage can begin before the age of 12. The utilization of marijuana and alcohol among those in high school is quite popular.
Effects of Intake of Drugs:
Drug employment is connected through a mixture of unconstructive outcomes, inclusive of augmented danger of severe drug employment in upcoming years, school disappointment, and unfortunate decision that can place teenagers at danger of:
• Accidents
• Fighting
• Undecided and insecure sex
• Suicide.
There are several effects which may indicate that the teenager is involved in drugs and these signals are evident in everything they do.
Physical Effects:
• Exhaustion
• Constant health illnesses
• Red and shiny eyes
• Lasting cough
Emotional Effects:
• Behavior transition
• Abrupt mood transitions
• Bad temper
• Careless actions
• Stumpy self-esteem
• Unfortunate opinion
• Depression
• Common lack of interest
Family Effects:
• Initiating quarrels
• Unenthusiastic approach
• Flouting regulations
• Diminishing from family
• Slyness
School Effects:
• Reduced concentration
• Pessimistic behavior
• Bad grades
• Unnecessary absences
• Non-attendance
• Obedience troubles
Effects on Social Problems:
• Latest acquaintances who create pitiable assessments and are not fascinated in school or family actions
• Troubles with regulation
• Transitions to fewer straight approaches clothing and music
Several of the hazardous effects mentioned above can even be the effects of some other troubles. Parents might distinguish effects of problems but must not be anticipated to formulate the analysis.
Discussing with a medical doctor to get rid of physical effects is an initial and suggested step. This must frequently be pursued or convoyed through a complete assessment by a psychological fitness expert.
Curing a Teenager from Drug Abuse
Parents can assist during premature tutoring concerning drugs, frank conversation, fine responsibility emergence, and premature identification if troubles are rising. If you get this feeling that some trouble is present, then you should look for the most suitable involvement for the teenager.
Treating the Teenager:
The choice to obtain healing for a kid or teenager is extremely important. Parents are persuaded to look for discussion from a psychological fitness expert while taking assessments related to drug misuse healing for kids or teenagers.
Parents and families should take responsible part in helping the child to get well. Following are few vital points that should be kept in mind:
• No particular healing is suitable for every teen:
It is significant to match healing surroundings, involvements, and examinations to every individual's specific troubles and requirements. It is vital to his/her eventual achievement in recurring to vigorous performance in the family, school, and civilization.
• Valuable healing should be present to the numerous requirements of the entity.
• Any related remedial, mental, communal, and cognitive problem must be addressed.
• Remaining in treatment for an adequate period of time is critical for treatment effectiveness and positive change.
Each person is different and the time duration in healing will be based on his/her troubles and desires. Investigation reveals that for majority of people, the commencement of development starts at around 3 months into cure. Subsequent to this period, there is typically additional development in the direction of healing. Duration of residing in a housing curriculum can vary from 8 to 18 months, based on a person’s enthusiasm and obligation.
• Psychoanalysis and further behavioral rehabilitation are vital ingredients of effectual healings.
In rehabilitation, teens glance at matters of impulse, construct talents to oppose drug usage, restore drug-using deeds with positive and satisfying attitudes, and progress analytical abilities. Behavioral rehabilitation also assists interpersonal associations and teenager's capability to respond in the house and society.
• Obsessed people with synchronized psychological problems must be cured right away. This is because obsession troubles and psychological troubles frequently happen in the same person. People must be evaluated and cured for the co-occurrence of the extra kind of disarray.
• Medical detoxification is merely the primary period of obsession curing and on its own performs little to modify long-term drug utilization. Medical detoxification securely supervises the discriminating substantial indications of extraction that is linked with preventing drug utilization. While detoxification on its own is hardly ever enough to assist addicts accomplish long-term self-discipline.
• Healing does not require being successful. High inspiration can make possible the healing method. Approvals or temptations in the family, school environment, or youthful integrity organization can augment considerably both healing admission and maintenance prices and the achievement of drug cure involvements.
• Healing from addiction may possibly be a long-term procedure and regularly needs numerous incidents of healing.
Like with other never-ending illness, going back on taking drugs can take place during or subsequent to victorious healing sessions. Addicted people might need extended healing time and numerous sessions of healing to accomplish long-term self-discipline and totally renovating performance. Parents must inquire what aftercare healing activities are there for constant or upcoming handling.
Do Not Blindly Trust Suspicious Things from Teenager
It is not an easy task to watch your teenager each and every moment and monitor their every deed. There are many times when you just cannot be with them like in school, with friends, shopping and so forth. If you see your teenager getting involved in some activity which makes you suspicious, then do not hesitate from questioning.
What Points Should Ring A Bell?
Never blindly trust your teenager that even for any suspicious thing; he can easily get away by making up excuses. Following are some sentences, which your teenager may say, and which should ring a bell that you need to get alert.
1) It is not mine; I'm just keeping it for someone else.
If your teenager is saying this, then question him in a way as if you are thinking that if he really is keeping it for the friend, then his friend must be keeping something for him too. A lot of parents get tricked by this sentence as they dreadfully desire to trust that their teenagers do not possess it nor are taking drugs. It's essential to keep in mind that this is somewhat your teenager may be including on.
2) When you discover them with drugs, they may say - This is just the first time I've tried it.
Whenever you will catch you teenager red-handed with drugs, then they will definitely try saying sentences like above in order to get away with it. They would want you to believe them they are not habitual of drugs, but do not take their words for granted, and take appropriate steps.
3) We were not given any homework in that class
At many instances, this can possible be true, as it is not necessary to get homework in every single class and there is a chance that they completed the homework while being at school. But do not take this excuse for granted, as there are chances that they might be dropping that class or something like that, so it is advisable to consult the subject teacher to discover the reality.
4) The teacher does not like me
This is typically merely a practical justification for dreadful marks or receiving dilemma. In both techniques, it is the teenager’s task to discover a method to get it sorted out, regardless of the fact that the teacher dislikes him. It is merely practice for the actual human race, where not everybody will be fond of you; at times also managers or colleagues. The remarkable obsession concerning this is the teenager’s clarification to the dilemma.
5) Of course there will be parents at the party
When your teenager gives this excuse for a party, make sure that you actually take the number of those parents and call them up casually to assure yourself that your teenager is telling the truth.
6) Everyone else gets to do it, so why can't I?
This is another common question which let parent’s think that they are culpable and narrow minded. One question to get them perplexed will be: “If everyone else stood on their head in the middle of the street at three in the morning in their underwear, would you?" Do not get tricked!
7) Everyone drinks and smokes. There's not a single person my age who doesn't.
If your teenager says this, just tell him that a lot of teenagers probably smoke not every single teenager. Tell him that you recognize abundance of teenagers who are not smokers and still have a good time. This one will require parents to bear their teen’s attitude and misbehavior.
8) If you let me off just this once, I'll promise I'll never do it again.
Do you really think that after trying something so pleasurable and addictive, the teenagers will never try again? Unluckily, what the teenager typically discovers here is that the parent is not really going to punish.
9) Give me one good reason why I can't do that!
This sentence holds two positions as this one is very popular and yet essential. The fundamental element not to trust at this time is that they are actually requesting for a legal reply to the query. After supplying a fine logical and proper reply, see how your teenager responses.
Taking Care of an Adopted Teenage Child
Teenage years are the times of experimenting for both the teenage children as well as their families. The bodily characteristics of teenage years are understandable and occur rapidly, while psychological and expressive growth may capture some years.
The Fundamental Dispute:
The foremost dare for teenagers is to outline their individual characteristics. An accomplishment not virtually as easy as it appears. It points out that teenagers should describe their importance, attitude, sexual recognition, jobs variety and anticipations of themselves.
In creating individuality, majority teenagers attempt on a range of characters. They glance for, replicate and then decline character replicas. They inspect their relatives decisively— adoring some people while undervaluing others.
They avoid or cuddle family principles, customs, thoughts and spiritual values. Occasionally they own massive self-assurance; occasionally they consider themselves at wobbly ends and believe being completely valueless. They might suppose a thing one day and then revolutionize their brains and believe the reverse the following day.
Adoption inserts difficulty to taking care of teenagers. Adopted adolescents might require additional sustain in trading with matters that acquire a particular significance for them.
Character Development
Character matters possibly are complicated for adopted teenagers as they own two pairs of parents. Not being familiar about their birthparents can let them to inquire the reality of their background. It gets more demanding for them to classify in what way they are comparable to and dissimilar from both pairs of parents.
Adopted adolescents can speculate who supplied them their specific personalities. They may desire replies to queries which their adoptive parents possibly will not be capable to present:
• Where do I acquire my creative aptitude?
• Was everybody in my origin family undersized?
• What is my racial backdrop?
• Do I have siblings?
Putting a Stop to Six Things
1. Stop centering on what you want your teenager to perform:
This does not seem possible. When our children are babies, we are in fully responsible of telling us about everything of what to do and what not to do. During ages 3 to 13, children still actually admire us, and frequently will go next to with what we desire
Though teenagers comprehend that they are as old as we are, and therefore can actually carry out whatever they desire to. Therefore, discontinue centering on what you want them to act on and instead start thinking of what you should do.
• How will you retort to what they carry out
• What are you going to present and what are you going to hold back
• How you are planning to mold fine selections for them.
Give a thought of what you should be doing, as now you can only control yourself.
2. Stop Giving Speeches:
Obviously speeches and lectures must be something which even you did not perceived, then you how can you expect this from your kids?
The similar can be expresses in small portions at different times. Make your lectures small and lovable. One approach of doing so is while you are driving the car with your child. You own an imprisoned view, and you are together searching forward and not glancing towards each other.
3. Stop Employing Adulthood
We compel the adults, when we do not consider how it is to become a teenager, comprehend like a teenager, and view like a teenager instead of thinking of their minds to work as adults and grownups.
4. Stop Grounding or Limiting the Teenagers for Extended Time:
By extended time, it means to make it more than two weeks. For grownups, two weeks pass by in a blink of an eye but for teenagers, these two weeks may look like everlasting, which grounds withdrawing optimistic outcomes.
5. Stop Irritate Them Concerning The Regulations:
You can never expect your teenager to enthusiastically respond when you try to throw a set of rules and regulations on everything they do and everything they intend to do. This can lead to disturbance in their normal life and they would feel restricted and frustrated.
6. Stop Creating Each Matter A Fight For Power:
If each matter is a fight for power, your teenager will construct each concern a fight for freedom. Keep in mind that putting efforts to rule over a teenager is like making a gorilla wear pants, meaning it will make you annoyed and make the teenager angry.