Table of contents
1. Understanding Grief
2. Recognizing Symptoms Of Grief
3. Phases Of Grief
4. Coming To Terms With Grief And Loss
5. Steps For Grieving
6. Why Do We Grieve?
7. Ways To Manage Your Pain
8. Grieving Some One’s Loss
9. Grieving A Chronic Illness
10. Taking Personal Responsibility For Dealing With Pain
11. Getting Support For Grief
12. Taking Help Of Counselors And Community Support
13. The Tasks Of Grief That Must Be Undertaken
14. Stages Of Dealing With Grief
15. Using A New Approach-Dynamic Psychotherapy For Dealing With Grief
16. Using Hypnosis For Dealing With Grief
17. Positive Ways Of Dealing With Stress And Distress
18. How To Cherish The Memories Of A Loved One
19. Using Reverse Psychology---Pain Is Good
20. More About The Grieving Process
21. 10 Practical Steps For Dealing With Grief
22. Healing Our Grief
23. Grief Is For Sharing
24. How To Help Others Who Are Grieving
25. Grief As A Spiritual Experience
26. Conclusion
Understanding Grief
We come across all kinds of people suffering from grief and develop a feeling of empathy towards them. But what exactly is grief? Grief is something that is experienced by almost all souls sometime in their lives. It is a universal emotion that, in a strange manner, seems to bind people together.
Grief has many faces and comes in many disguises. This emotion of grief may either surface due to the death of a loved one or any severe incurable disease that a person may be suffering from.
As mentioned earlier grief is experienced due to various reasons that can be broken relationships to the loss of a pet, loss of a worthy job or parting from loved ones. The intensity of grief too is different in various cases.
Some events may cause unparalleled grief to the person while some others lead to only a short period of grief lasting for say two days. Dealing with grief requires lots of effort and a positive attitude always comes to the rescue.
Grief has great power if understood in the right spirit. It helps in reinforcing a positive attitude, strengthens the will power of a person and makes one much more sensitive towards the needs of others.
Grief can sometimes prove to be a friend in disguise as it helps us grow spiritually and face the realities of life. It brings people closer to each other. Especially people who experience grief due to similar reasons develop more affinity towards each other.
The specialty of grief is that it is entirely exclusive. Grief carries a distinct meaning for every individual and each one has his or her own unique way of handling and expressing grief.
Some may express it with the help of emotional outbursts while some others through physical reactions. The emotion of grief is extremely natural and normal but it should not leave you with long term effects. It is necessary that grief be dealt with patience and tolerance.
Understanding grief is not easy and a lot of empathy is necessary to share someone’s grief. One must learn to move ahead in life and conquer grief. Each individual at the end of grief is enlightened with a new and fresh perspective towards life, which is a learning experience in itself. Grief should be treated as an opportunity to purify your souls, be rid of guilt or burden and come to terms with reality.
Recognizing Symptoms of Grief
Grief is caused by various reasons, primary among them being the loss of a loved one due to acute illness or accident. The connotation of grief is different for different people. Each individual reacts and deals with grief in special ways. Grief sometimes takes a toll on the body causing adverse physical reactions in a person. In some cases, people show psychological changes that mirror their grief clearly. Grief carries with it many different symptoms.
A person suffering from grief may show extreme emotions such as anger and anxiety. The person may get irritated very easily and is susceptible to bouts of depression. The sudden drastic change in the moods of the person is very noticeable and a feeling of sadness encircles the person. These symptoms are very natural and they show that the person is mourning over the loss of someone very dear to him.
Grief may also sometimes manifest into certain physical symptoms like loss or sudden increase in appetite. The person may feel extremely weak both physically and mentally due to the envelope of grief on the mind. Loss of sleep or insomnia is another common symptom following nightmares and daydreams.
Daydreams may include thinking about the person who is no more. A person’s concentration levels are also affected due to grief and there is a decrease in the ability to focus properly leading to forgetfulness and a loss of will power and any sort of ambitions.
The social life of the individual too is affected due to grief. The individual may develop a tendency to avoid groups and socialize. Such a person likes to stay in his own cocoon and refrains from conversing with anybody else. In contrast to this impulsive behavior may also be experienced which may lead to hyper-activity. Another most common symptom that is seen is the abrupt end of faith in the supreme power. The person experiences several alterations in his beliefs in the divine.
The time span of such symptoms is again distinct for each person. Some people may experience grief for just two or three days while for some others the mourning period can last for about six months. Some symptoms do eventually disappear but others may have lasting effects.
All these symptoms may reappear on peculiar occasions. One must learn to fight these symptoms and move on in life. Friends and relatives of the person suffering from grief should also extend their full support and help the person come out of the grief.
Phases of Grief
Grief is not only an emotion but it can be thought of as a nurturing and healing process. Like every other process, it has been assigned its own stages or phases. These phases however need not necessarily occur in the given order. The phases of grief are as follows;
• Shock – A sudden revelation of some news like the loss of a loved one, valuable assets or any other cause that may lead to grief is accompanied by shock. It is a phase where everything suddenly seems to come to a standstill; this feeling is mostly characterized by skepticism and doubt.
• Denial – The next phase is the denial stage. This stage reflects the tendency of the person to deny the stark reality of the truth. Here the person faces difficulty in coming to terms with the truth that leads to grief.
• Bargaining – As we have the natural inclination for bargaining even in ordinary situations, we tend to try this method even during grief. The person suffering from grief tries to change the situation by making certain promises, which in the end prove to be futile efforts.
• Guilt – In this phase, an individual is enveloped with the feeling of guilt. In most cases, the individual starts blaming himself or herself for the occurrence of the ill-fated situation. Strong feelings of guilt may also lead to depression and thus these pangs of guilt should be resolved quickly. One can come out of this phase by believing in oneself.
• Anxiety and anger – Both these emotions are normal in the process of grief. Anger can be experienced due to varied reasons but one should have control over it. As time passes these emotions fade away naturally.
• Depression – This stage is also a common feature of the process of grief. However, acute depression may prove to be harmful leading to suicidal thoughts. In case depression persists, it is best to resort to help which may also come in the form of friends and relatives.
• Acceptance – It is the last phase where the person comes to terms with reality and accepts the situation. Accepting the loss of a loved one or any other loss is the final key to lead a life filled with positive energy and a new sense of direction.
These phases of grief help us in understanding the whole process of grief and in helping people cope with grief.
Coming to Terms With Grief And Loss
For some people the affair with grief lasts for a long time and can be a tough experience while for others it can just be a matter of two days. However, each person has to learn to cope with grief and lead a new life.
Coping with grief can be a daunting task, which may require great efforts on the part of the person who is suffering from grief. However, coming to terms with grief and loss is of utmost importance for the future of the particular individual.
Every grieving person experiences varied intensities of grief accompanied by the phases of grief. One can come to terms with grief and loss in various ways. Accepting the reality is the best way of moving on in life and making life more cheerful and optimistic.
Nevertheless, a fast progress on this front cannot be expected, as each person needs his or her own time to come out of the grief. Hasty decisions are not recommended during this period and it is best to deal patiently with the situations.
Distractions in the form of catching up on a movie or tuning in to your favorite music can also prove to be helpful. Indulging in such activities tends to divert the attention of the person and it adds a lively spark to the person’s life.
Instead of suppressing emotions like anxiety, anger or guilt it is advisable to express these emotions freely. It helps the person understand and come out of the emotional turbulence that he may be facing.
Another way of coming to terms with grief and loss is to confide in friends and relatives. Socializing is also an excellent medicine that helps in the healing of grief.
Staying alone and closing the doors to everyone is of no help during this period as it only adds to the grief. Hence, it is best to be surrounded by friends who are always ready to extend their invaluable support.
One can also seek help of the expert counselors who guide and assist the person in coming to terms with the grief and loss. A person can share the grievances with the counselor without any reservations and the counselors certainly prove to be patient listeners. Thus, it is necessary that the person suffering from grief understands that a new and happy life awaits him or her.
Steps for Grieving
Grief can be dealt with ease if we use certain steps for grieving. These steps help you in coming out of your grief. Coming out of grief is a very gradual process depending upon the kind of loss faced by the individual.
The first step for grieving is to accept your loss and believe in it. This makes the grieving process easier. If you have do not accept the loss and have false expectations and hopes it is of no use and you will never get out of the grieving process.
You should digest the fact that your loved one is no more or that you have lost your job. Only then can you move ahead in life.
The next step is to express your emotions clearly and freely. Sometimes you may have certain apprehensions in expressing your feelings. Repression of feelings is harmful in grieving as it leads to adverse effects on the health of an individual. Therefore, you should accept the fact that you are suffering from pain and that it is very normal to experience pain.
We should make the necessary adjustments in life and move on. The loss of a loved one may disrupt your life but you should have the ability to adjust to the new situation.
Life has plenty of opportunities in store for us and we should move towards them. Adjusting to the new life can be a challenging task but it is the best way to accept the loss.
You should cherish the memories of your loved ones and make them your strength and not let the memories weaken you. You should focus on all the happy moments that you spent with your loved one and look forward to spending similar moments of joy in life. The memories should form a path for you to move on.
The loss that you are facing may make you feel that you have lost the right to love or happiness. You ay also feel that you would not be able to love anybody else.
However, this does not hold true. You can keep the memories of your loved ones and start loving and caring for all your friends and relatives once again. These steps help you in the grieving process and assist you in coming out of it quickly.
Why Do We Grieve?
Grieving or mourning is the common behavior seen in any individual who is facing any kind of loss. The amount of grieving that occurs depends upon the proximity and attachment of the person suffering from grief with the loss that the person faces.
Grieving is a very natural reaction to loss and it is unavoidable. The loss of a loved one like parents or spouse causes more grieving due to the strong strings of love that bind the hearts.
The most basic cause of grief is that man is a social animal and is used to being in the constant company of people. During this time, he develops certain rare relationships that seem unbreakable.
A person strongly believes in the strength of these relations and blood ties. Daily situations end up having impact on our lives. We end up making friends out of which some are very close to us.
Over a period of time, we develop affinity, feelings for all those loved ones around us, and we care for them in special ways. The loss of such people leads to grief, which in turn causes a lot of pain and sorrow. Grief is also caused we part with our loved ones.
Human body is constantly exposed to numerous sounds, touches and other stimuli that affect our relationships with others. All this happens due to certain elements that are found in the body.
There are specific hormones, which are produced in the body when we are in the company of a particular person. This helps to create a picture of the person in our minds. However, when the person dies the image of the deceased soul is contradictory to the hale and hearty image that is present in our minds. This results in the grieving process.
Thus, grief is something that is inevitable at some point in life, which may also be due to trivial issues like losing a book or cassette.
Ways to Manage Your Pain
The pain of losing someone or some expensive valuables can serve as a severe blow to an individual. In some cases, extreme pain is caused by grief, which is not easy to deal with.
This pain may leave a lasting impression on the minds or have long-term effects on the people suffering from grief. One can deal with the obstacle of pain and learn to manage pain so that it does not prove to be a hindrance and affect life in various ways.
Pain can have side effects on the psychological and physiological well being of the individual. One of the ways to manage pain is to grieve freely without inhibitions of any sort.
It is best to release the emotion of pain through the grieving process and sharing your grief with others. Crying, talking with friends or engaging in work can help a person to manage pain and get over past memories that hurt.
Minimizing pain with the aid of drugs, isolation and alcohol is not advisable, as it does not help in reduction of pain. Instead, it leads to worse situations and unwanted addictions.
These medications affect the health of the person and make him even more vulnerable to pain. Instead, one can resort to addictions like music and reading which are beneficial for the person.
Negative thoughts and emotions often accompany pain. The person experiences only negative vibes from everywhere. It is a challenge to keep a positive attitude at this time and fight all the odds. A positive outlook helps in fighting and reducing pain.
Uprooting pain right from its roots is not possible depending on the painful situation but one can always stop the growth of pain. The stress caused by pain also affects the person. Therefore, it is advisable to engage in all the normal and daily chores that you are used to performing.
Pain is not easy to get rid of and can prove to be a tiresome process. Sometimes even though a person comes out of pain, it may be only a temporary phase and he may be drifted towards pain again.
However, with the help of friends and other people one can manage pain and find ways to curb pain. Each soul has unique ways of managing pain according to the nature of the person.
Grieving Someone’s Loss
Dealing with the loss of a pet, spouse, parent or child is the most difficult and complex task which leads to extreme pain and feelings of grief.
• Grieving the loss of a pet
Pets share a very special bond with their owners and the rest of the family members. They are an inseparable part of the family and occupy special places in their hearts. The thought of loosing then itself proves to be very scary and unthinkable.
The loss of a pet can be very hard to deal with. The causes that lead to loss of pets are varied. Sometimes the pets fall prey to various diseases, illnesses, old age may also be a problem that leads to death, or accidents may also be one of the causes. All the pets are loyal companions who share our joys and sorrows equally and are impartial in nature showering all their love on us.
Due to this, the loss of a pet touches hearts instantly and leads to a strange vacant feeling in the hearts and homes. The loss of a pet may lead to changes in appetite and disinterest in the daily activities. Sometimes the constant empty place that was earlier occupied by your pet may trouble you and prove to be a constant reminder of the pet.
One way of coming out of this situation is to share your grief and the fond memories of your pet with like-minded people who have faced such incidents in the past. Such people may help you to take the death of your pet positively. One can also think of all the special and beautiful moments that you and your pet spent together. This may lead to a sudden feeling of contentment and peace.
• Grieving the loss of a parent
The identity and existence of all individuals is due to the parents who always protect, care and support us. The loss of a parent surpasses all other losses. This unbearable loss causes utmost grief to the child and such devastating reality is not easy to come to terms with.
The death of the parent may be due to acute illness or accidents. Young children who lose their parents fail to understand the actual meaning of death and sometimes believe that it is only a temporary phase, which will soon pass.
Children and teenagers may be affected due to such incidents in various ways. They may go into isolation and develop feelings of anguish and fear.
The loss of a parent may be most unexpected for the adults due to their busy daily lives. It is very difficult to come out of the grief that accompanies the loss of a parent. Relatives and friends should shower all their love and care on the children so that they do not feel alone.
• Grieving the loss of a spouse
The loss of a spouse also leads to extreme grief, which is characterized by strong emotions. The partners in a marriage are equally important for each other and the loss of one is a difficult incident to cope with.
The loss of a spouse may lead to feelings of insecurity and the feeling of suddenly being left alone. The entire responsibility of the household has to be shouldered by the person who has lost his or her spouse. It is a challenging task to accept this grim reality and to move on in life.
Sometimes special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries serve as remembrances of the deceased one and bring back memories, which lead to grief.
It becomes your duty to carry out all the tasks and duties that were once carried out by your partner. The person goes through all the stages of grief during this time and the person has to deal with several new changes to adjust with this reality.
• Grieving the loss of a child
For the parents, their children matter the most. Everything else is trivial in front of their children. The loss of a child is indeed a very unfortunate incident. Parents have many dreams for their children.
They dream of their children being successful, well settled and happy. The loss of a child is an unbearable loss for the parents with their very existence getting shattered.
The loss of a child is the most difficult loss to come to terms with. The parents experience the pain of this loss until their last breath and the grieving for this loss seems endless.
The grieving parents face a gamut of strong emotions like anger, sorrow and anxiety and may lead to changes in the behavioral patterns. These are the most precious part of our life and losing someone from these is indeed a misfortune.
Grieving a Chronic Illness
Life has many beautiful things in store for us but sometimes it takes a shocking turn. People are diagnosed with chronic illnesses, which have a large impact on their lives. The fact that you are suffering from a chronic illness is very hard to digest and it requires a lot of courage to accept the reality.
Life seems to change for the person suffering from the chronic illness. There are various types of chronic illnesses, which have different effects on the person suffering.
The first natural reaction on the knowledge of being diagnosed by the illness is grief. Sometimes an individual suffering tends to question the very existence and experiences feelings of anger and self-pity.
The illness has different effects on the physical and mental health of the individual. The physical health of the person may deteriorate and the person may start depending on others even while performing daily chores.
If you are suffering from a chronic illness, you have to be ready for several adjustments that accompany the illness. New and different activities could form a part of your daily routine, which would help you to lead a more comfortable life. You can try making the illness as your lifelong friend, which would also infuse a positive attitude in you.
It is best to accept that you are suffering from a chronic illness and collect as much information as possible related to the illness you are suffering from. This also helps in battling the illness and knowing your needs, which will also make you more confident. Grieving is very normal and you should not bottle up your grievances. It helps if you express them freely.
The company of friends and loved ones too matters a lot in the grieving process. They help in building up your confidence and making you independent. If you are diagnosed with an illness, it is helpful to accept the limitations that come with it. You must also take care of your health and take prescribed medicines. This will make life more comfortable and happy. You can also seek the help of a health care expert who would help you in dealing with your loss.
Taking Personal Responsibility For Dealing With Pain
Pain comes in various forms and sizes. A painful experience also helps in appreciating and expressing gratitude for the finer things in life that we have been bestowed with.
Each person deals with pain in his own way. Some people take the responsibility of dealing with their own pain. These people have great strength and feel that they themselves are responsible for the all their actions and emotions.
When you take personal responsibility for dealing with pain, you believe that no situation can really affect you unless you yourself decide to let it affect you. It is this belief that carries you through all the painful experiences of life.
You are responsible for how you allow pain to affect you. You should be aware of your feelings in order to deal with pain. You also learn to control your emotions and feelings when you feel responsible for your pain.
You also take personal responsibility for all the thoughts that occur in your mind while experiencing pain caused by the loss. You tend to understand your thoughts in a better manner and you yourself start choosing your own thoughts. When you reach this stage, you can decide to let in only positive thoughts and throw out all the negative thoughts.
In normal conditions, you feel that other people or sometimes the supreme power is responsible for your pain. This leads to many mixed emotions, which also include negative feelings like anger and depression. Therefore, it is best to take personal responsibility for your pain that teaches you to overcome the obstacles leading to increase in will power.
This process enriches us as a person and reduces the pain. If we choose not to focus on the pain but on the lesson that is to be learnt hidden behind the pain, then we can easily come out of any grieving situation.
We get in the habit of treating pain as a motivator and make it our strength. Every painful experience in life teaches us to cope with the difficulties and realities of life.
GETTING SUPPORT FOR GRIEF
Grief is very easy to handle and deal with when there is adequate support provided. The helping hands that extend towards you are of great importance and are very helpful in coming out of the situation that causes grief.
In case you are facing the loss of a loved one due to sudden death, the grief may be more intense with greater need of support. Getting support for grief is not a problem today.
The most significant people who can help you are your valuable friends and family members. They are the ones who listen to all your woes patiently and provide a shoulder to lean on. You can share all your memories and your burdens with them that make you feel much lighter and free.
Staying isolated will only add to your worries and anxiety. Therefore, it is better to get support in the form of friends and relatives who stand like pillars by your side.
You can hang out with your friends and try to enjoy small moments of happiness again. You can also indulge in other activities like shopping, catching a movie or dinners etc. which helps in coping with grief.
Another way of getting support for your grief is in the form of the counselors who help you in tackling with the grief. Sometimes we feel more comfortable to share our thoughts with strangers rather than friends.
The expert counselors are the best people with whom you can share your grief and feel relaxed. Sometimes they also make you engage in various activities and other interesting exercises so that you help you get diverted from your grief.
People who have experienced losses similar to yours are the perfect people to understand your grief. You can join such a group of people and take part in discussions, which would help you in dealing with your grief.
These support groups prove to be very helpful and are ideal ways of sharing and reducing your grief. There are various such support groups nowadays, which are composed of people suffering from all kinds of losses like pets, spouses, parents, children and other losses.
Seeking help of counselors and community support
Sometimes grief can have lasting effects on the person suffering. The person may distance himself from friends and relatives and feel isolated. In such cases, the counselors and community support groups help the person adjust according to the situation and in coming to terms with the loss.
The counselors are well acquainted with the various levels and intensities of grief. They have adequate experience in this field and come across a number of grieving people.
Grief counseling is fast gaining importance and a number of people are heading towards seeking professional help for dealing with their grief. The main aim of grief counseling is to help the suffering person come out of his grief and maintain a positive outlook towards life.
An individual can express all his sorrows and unfulfilled wishes to the counselors who act as friends in disguise. The counselors understand the gravity of the situation and chalk out plans to help the person lead a normal life again.
The counselors advise the people to spend quality time with their friends and pursue their hobbies that would divert their attention form the grieving situation.
Apart from the counselors, there are various community support groups that are formed where people come together and share their grief. These groups are composed of people having gone through similar situations of grief.
All of these people prove to be a great support system for each other. You can join any of these community support groups in you area. Nowadays plenty of such community support groups are emerging in the society.
Some of the community groups have members who have lost their children or parents. They share memories of their loved ones and understand each other perfectly due to the common emotions that they are going through.
You can also be a part of the community groups on the internet who chat with each other and carry out various activities in memory of their loved ones. Therefore, it is best to take help of the counselors and community support groups to reduce your burden of grief and lead a contended life.
The Tasks of Grief That Must Be Undertaken
Coping with grief requires certain tasks to be undertaken which reduce grief. We have seen the phases of grief earlier. These phases of grief have been transformed to tasks of grief today.
These tasks need to be undertaken to complete the process of grieving. There are four tasks that have been laid down:
• The first task is to accept the reality of the loss or the grief. You should complete this task as if you fail to accept the reality then you cannot move forward. You should come out of the shock, as it is necessary in the further grieving process.
• The next task is to work through the pain. You should show your feelings of pain instead of keeping them to yourself. Generally, people have the tendency of denying pain due to social and personal factors. The person may feel scared to express feelings of pain in front of any other person. However it is extremely healthy to express pain and it also fastens the process of grieving.
• You should also learn to tune in to the new environment in which the absence of your loved one is conspicuous. You may have to learn new skills and shoulder new responsibilities.
• The last task is moving on in life. Sometimes people get caught in the web of grief and old memories in such a way that they fail to move ahead in life. This affects all their present and future relationships and actions. Hence, it is very important that people learn to move on in life.
You can go through these tasks alone or take help of friends, counseling sessions so that you reach the last task.
Stages of Dealing With Grief
As seen earlier there are five stages that characterize the process of grief. These stages are shock, denial, bargaining, anger and acceptance. Each one goes through these stages either in order or randomly.
Any of the emotions may surface at any point of time. Each stage in this process is very important. However, one can overcome the stages if each stage is dealt with properly.
The first stage is the stage of shock. Here a person is not ready to accept the loss that has occurred. As a result, the person goes in a state of shock. In this stage, it is necessary that the person be surrounded by loved ones who can explain the situation properly and extend their support. It is necessary that the person comes out of this stage quickly and expresses his or her feelings.
The next stage is the stage of denial. The grieving person has a tendency to deny the loss. He experiences hallucinations and is not ready to believe the fact that a loved one is no more.
He may come out of this stage on his own with the passage of time, as it is difficult to accept the reality. A person should be given adequate time to deal with this stage.
After this, a person may start bargaining with the situation. He may make promises and prayers to bring back the person. Dealing with this stage is comparatively easy.
Friends and family should explain that any amount of bargaining is not going to help. The person should come to terms with the fact and move on to the next stage.
Anger is a common and normal emotion during this time. Anger should be dealt with in a patient and understanding manner. The person may become short tempered and show irritation even at minor things. The person may shout and lose control over the situations.
It is advisable to remain patient at his time and indulge in activities like meditation, yoga and other therapeutic activities. One should come out of this stage as quickly as possible as uncontrolled anger may lead to further problems.
The last phase of the grieving process is the acceptance of the situation or the loss that has caused the grief. This stage may be the toughest as accepting the loss is not easy. Once you accept the loss, you are ready to move on in life and see the positive side of life. Acceptance of the loss is the key to the healing process.
Using A New Approach- Dynamic Psychotherapy For Dealing With Grief
Dynamic psychotherapy is a way of helping a person express and accept his feelings. Sometimes the feelings a person is experiencing are very painful and people are scared of expressing these emotions freely.
Due to this, the emotions remain suppressed in the minds of the people leading to drastic changes in the behavioral patterns. Dynamic psychotherapy brings out these feelings and thereby quickens the process of grieving.
During grief, emotions as anger and depression are experienced which may prove to a cause of concern in extreme cases. The dynamic psychotherapy is useful in dealing with such emotions.
It makes the person experience emotions characterized by great intensity in a short period of time. The person suffering from grief may develop negative feelings that are also taken care of by this therapy.
This approach of using dynamic psychotherapy is relatively new and is proving to be very effective. At times, the grieving process may stretch for along period. To avoid this, dynamic psychotherapy is very useful and beneficial.
During the sessions with the therapist, you may feel apprehensive of sharing your feelings sometimes. You also develop certain positive or negative feelings towards the therapist, which prove to be very useful for the therapist in understanding your emotions, and feelings.
Numerous sessions are part of the dynamic psychotherapy. You may think of the first few sessions as very useful and then suddenly lose interest in the sessions.
However, it is important that you sit through all the sessions in order to experience the real benefits of the therapy. At the end of the therapy, you will definitely feel better and the grieving process also takes place quickly with little time for pain and sorrow.
Using Hypnosis For Dealing With Grief
The effects of grief can be very severe and may last for a lifetime. You may feel that you grief will never end and you may start hallucinating and dreaming about your loss. After trying to reduce your grief through counseling and community support groups, you can head for hypnosis, which assists you in dealing with grief.
Hypnosis is a state in which the person is unaware of outside stimulation and is most susceptible at this time. The concentration and focus of the individual being hypnotized is at the highest levels.
Hypnosis is very effective in dealing with grief as it helps in controlling the emotions of the person suffering from grief. There are various types of hypnosis like waking hypnosis and self-hypnosis.
In case the person is suffering from emotions like anger and frustration the process of hypnosis helps in reducing these emotions and makes the person feel comfortable and at peace with himself.
The process of hypnosis has to be carried out in the presence of trained and professional experts. Using hypnosis, you can understand the exact emotions a person is experiencing and thereby bring him out of those emotions.
During the process of hypnosis, the person may also recollect certain experiences and memories associated with the deceased or the loss of any pet or a chronic illness.
These memories also help the hypnotist in understanding the gravity of the situation better. Hypnosis is useful for dealing with grief caused due to various reasons.
Plenty of people resort to hypnosis nowadays for solving their problems and it helps in evaluation of oneself and introspection that is very necessary today. There is also the option of self-hypnosis, which is the technique where the individual hypnotizes himself without any professional help. However, this requires a high degree of concentration on the part of the person.
Positive Ways Of Dealing With Stress And Distress
Grief causes a plethora of emotions inside us that sometimes lead to stress. Emotions like anger, guilt, anxiety and irritation lead to stress. Stress can have negative effects on the health of the person. The physical and mental health of a person is affected due to stress.
Stress not only affects the individual but also all those around him. A person engulfed with stress tends to become short tempered and gets irritated very easily, which may cause discomfort to others around him.
The different effects of stress include sudden loss or gain of weight or appetite, headaches and other illnesses. Stress and distress may also force an individual to resort to drugs, alcohol and other kinds of harmful addictions.
Extreme stress is the worst enemy of man and it is necessary that one adopt positive measures for reducing the levels of stress. There are various ways in which one can deal with stress.
One of the effective ways of dealing with stress is to engage in physical activity and exercises like regular walks or jogging which helps in reducing stress. You can also try your hand at your favorite sport, which helps in distressing and is an ideal rejuvenation of sorts. Maintaining a positive attitude also helps in conquering stress and makes you feel good.
Another creative way of reducing distress is to jot down all the feelings and memories, which lead to stress. You can maintain a diary and decorate it with motifs and patterns, which bring joy to you.
Writing down your frustrations helps in releasing the tensions, makes you feel at peace, and relaxed. You can also join various support groups where a number of discussions are held which help in reducing your stress levels. It also gives you a chance of making new friends and socializing.
Dealing with stress becomes easy if you decide to focus on all the good and positive things in life. There are a number of relaxation techniques like listening to calm and soothing music, going out with friends, meditation or simply reading a book. All of these definitely help in battling distress.
Stress will disappear if you engage in these activities and make you feel happier and at peace with yourself. Sometimes stress is helpful as it makes us strong willed and increases our patience.
How to Cherish The Memories Of A Loved One
Our loved ones prove to be our strength and are with us through all our highs and lows. The very thought of loosing them or parting from them is unimaginable. The loss of a loved one is indeed an unfortunate incident, which leads to intense grief and agony.
It is a very tough task to bid farewell to our loved ones as we are emotionally attached to them. People have different ways of keeping the memories of their loved ones intact so that they can cherish them forever.
The memories of loved ones are the most precious things that they leave behind. Some people weave a beautiful thread of these memories and share it with other people. This helps in reducing the grief caused by the loss.
One of the ways of cherishing the memories of a loved one is to dedicate a website to your loved one. This is a relatively new way of preserving the memories and paying a tribute to the deceased. Here you will find photographs and anecdotes posted by the relatives and friends of the person.
Another way is to preserve the ashes after cremation in various forms. Some people like to preserve the ashes in their pendants or small boxes, which make them, feel closer to the deceased.
Many people make memorials for their loved ones that are ornamented with flowers and other favorite things of the deceased. A small place in a special corner of the house or in the garden is devoted to the deceased and you can see photos, poems and other stuff here. Spending even a few minutes here would give peace and satisfaction.
If your loved one liked flowers and gardens, then you could also make a small garden and plant beautiful flowers here that spread their fragrance in all directions. You can also make a scrapbook, fill it with photos of your loved one in happier times, and pass it on to all the near and dear ones to write about your loved one. You can also take active part in charity and social work and dedicate it to the deceased.
You can also get a small chest or box and dump in all the belongings, accessories, books and other things. If you suddenly feel lonely, you can open the box and in this way spend some time with your loved one. It is a lovely experience to actually sit and feel each treasure in the box you have created and it brings back all the fond memories you shared together.
Using Reverse Psychology – Pain Is Good
Grief of any kind leads to some amounts of pain. Some people succumb to the pain while some others use the reverse psychology and make the entire experience of pain a positive and optimistic affair.
Pain can be a healing and learning experience for all. Pain has many hidden positive points, which help in strengthening an individual. It also makes you emotionally stronger and secure.
Generally, we think of pain as a very negative feeling and we try to avoid it as much as possible. The very thought of pain scares us sometimes and we tend to become slaves of pain.
The general psychology of people is to run away from pain. However here we should use reverse psychology and accept pain. We should face pain with a determination and make it bow before us.
Pain proves to be a great teacher if understood in a positive way. Pain can be used as a motivating factor to actually improve your skills. Even if you experience pain, you should have the courage to move on in life and treat it as a stepping-stone for future life. Pain is an excellent motivator that always keeps you on your toes.
Pain is a great spiritual experience that helps you in coming to terms with your loss. It also helps in evaluating yourself and understanding your strengths and weaknesses. Following this, you will emerge as a better person after undergoing through the entire experience of grief.
Pain is a strong emotion that should not overpower you. If you succumb to pain then there is no turning back. Pain can ruin life if you let it dominate you.
You should understand the fact that pain will last only for some time and you can conquer pain with your positive attitude and strong will power. There are plenty of situations that we face in life leading to pain.
You should not let all of this pain affect you, as it will only weaken you as an individual. You should think that pain is good and it is beneficial for you. Then you can easily come out of pain. Thus, using this kind of reverse psychology helps a lot in dealing with pain of any kind.
More About The Grieving Process
Grief is something that is unavoidable at some point in our lives. Everybody experiences grief and the process may prove to be tedious and painful. Grief consumes a lot of energy too. As a result, it is necessary to maintain a healthy and balanced diet at this time. Grief also depends upon the nature of the loss. You can classify grief in the normal and complicated patterns.
Normal grief is relatively less intense and shows symptoms like loss or increase in appetite, insomnia or hallucinations. It may be due to loss of certain valuables or other minor issues. Complicated grief however is of a more complex type.
Here you observe that the person goes through the entire process of grief, which is characterized by the five stages. This grief can some times be caused due to serious reasons like loss of a child or a parent.
The grieving process proves to be very difficult for some while it is easy to deal with for others. However when one is going through the grieving process, it is essential that one is surrounded by friends and loved ones.
The grieving process is especially very difficult for children. In case of loss of a parent, children find it most difficult to cope with grief. They may not express it properly but they do have other ways of showing their grief.
The grieving process also carries a different meaning for the aged ones. In case of loss of a spouse, elderly people find it equally a huge task to cope with grief.
Most of the times we observe that these people tend to neglect their health. They also lose interest in all the activities they pursue. They need all the love, care and support at this time.
Sharing your grief with your loved ones also helps you in making the process less painful. The grieving process may seem very difficult at first but as time passes, you realize that it is a smooth ride if dealt with properly. It is necessary that you maintain a positive attitude and have faith in yourself that you can come out of this process.
10 Practical Steps For Dealing With Grief
Grief is a very natural and normal feeling. Dealing with grief can be difficult at times. There are some practical ways in which you can deal with your grief and come out of it. Some of the ways are-
• One of the simple ways of dealing with grief is to distract oneself from the grieving situation by indulging in daily chores. You can engage in activities like cleaning the house, cooking and all other errands. You can also take the help of your friends to carry out all these activities. This will help you in tuning back to your normal life and will leave you with little time to think about your loss. It is a very effective way of overcoming grief.
• Another practical way of coming to terms with grief is to engage in your favorite hobbies. Hobbies like reading, music, dance, gardening etc. help in diverting your attention. Your hobbies are the activities that fill your heart with joy and satisfaction. These really help in dealing with grief and make you feel better. Pursuing hobbies is the best way in which you can reduce your grief.
• You can also opt for small holidays or excursions, which serve as an ideal break and reduce your grief. You can go to your favorite destination either alone or with your friends. It takes you away from your grief and serves as a refreshing change. Your thoughts get diverted and you are filled with a sense of peace and contentment. You can also engage in your favorite activities there which would change your mood.
• Shopping is another practical way of dealing with grief. You can shop for all the things you love and pamper yourself. You can also shop for the things that your loved ones used to like which would also serve as ideal memoirs. Shopping also helps in distressing and takes you away from your grief.
• Sometimes you may feel very lonely and feelings of grief may come back leading to sorrow. If you feel isolated, you can call up your friends and invite them to your place. Chatting with friends surely proves to be very helpful as you share your grief with them. You can chat about any topic and you will feel instantly refreshed and happy.
• You can join various support groups where you can share your grief and talk about your loved ones. It will reduce your burden of grief as you express all your emotions freely. Here you can also find long lasting friends and thus widen your circle of friends. You will also get a chance of socializing. Sometimes you can take part in the special programs and fun activities, which these groups organize.
• Another practical and important way is to take good care and look after oneself. It is essential that you maintain a healthy nutritious diet, which keeps you mentally and physically strong. Staying away from addictions is also important. Health assumes great significance especially during the tough times of grieving.
• Other techniques like meditation and yoga help you in connecting to yourself. They develop positive vibes around you, which helps in the healing process. You feel a strange calmness and peace surrounding you, which also help in distressing. It is always better to engage in such activities as they refresh your body and soul.
• Grieving is a very natural process and the emotions that come with it are also normal. Therefore, it is advisable to express all these emotions freely without any inhibitions and freeing your soul from the heavy burden of these emotions. It is perfectly all right to cry or show anger. You should accept these feelings and let go of them as quickly as possible.
• You can also pen down all the positive and negative thoughts that enter your mind, which is another way of reducing the burden of grief. Your diary can be your friend with whom you share all your memories and your grief. Writing helps in opening up a channel for your emotions. They flow through this channel and you start thinking more clearly. You can also writ down all your frustrations in the diary.
These are practical ways of facing grief and making it a less painful experience.
Healing Our Grief
The entire process of grief finally leads to healing. Healing is the final result of this process. The process can be very tough and painful and it is not easy to come out of it. Healing our grief can sometimes prove to be a very spiritual experience for us. Grief can be a great way to strengthen oneself and make way for personal growth.
Each one of us has been bestowed with the power of bearing pain and grief. Similarly each one of us has also been given unique healing powers, which are hidden inside us.
There are various ways in which we can heal our grief and pain. All of us have different ways of healing pour grief. Some of us indulge in activities that bring joy to us while some others heal naturally with the passage of time.
Some of us collect all the memories of our loved ones and make these memories our strength. Fond memories of loved ones also prove to be of great help in the healing process as we think of the happier times with our loved ones. Others take part in discussion groups where people come together and help each other in the healing process.
The process of healing however does not occur over a fixed period of time. It may sometimes last for years or months depending upon the intensity and importance of loss.
The healing process is a journey of sorts for us with a number of hurdles and obstacles in between. However, it is our responsibility to make the healing process a peaceful experience.
At the end of the healing process, we emerge stronger and tougher than before. The process helps us to face any other painful experience courageously and we gain a strange composure over ourselves.
We also tend to become more sensitive towards others and extend a helping hand whenever possible to all those suffering from grief. The healing process should occur naturally for it to be effective and bring you out of your grief.
Grief is for sharing
The emotion of grief is not easy to deal with especially if you keep it to yourself. It is a known fact that by sharing all your sorrows with others you feel lighter and relaxed.
Grief too is for sharing and you should not bottle it up in yourself. Sharing always leads to positive effects and makes you aware that you are not alone. It is during the period of grief that your friends play the role of angels and come to your rescue.
If you keep grief to yourself, it leads to many harmful consequences that not only affect your body but also your mind. You may suffer from various illnesses and suffer from bouts of depression.
All of these are very common symptoms during the grieving process. Sharing has magical powers in it. Sharing your grief really avoids all these symptoms as you vent out all your emotions to someone who proves to be a patient listener.
Sharing grief immediately makes you feel better and free. There are various ways in which you cab share your grief. There are various support groups that have been created for the sole purpose of sharing grief.
Sometimes we feel comfortable talking about our grief with strangers rather than our friends. This is a very normal feeling and there is nothing wrong in it. You can join any of these groups and share all your feelings with them. As the people in the groups have gone through similar experiences in life, it proves to be a great healing process.
Another way of sharing your grief is to make your own websites which contain hope for others and memories of your loved ones. Here you can post and read blogs which help in sharing grief.
Your friends and relatives are the best people with whom you can share your grief and feel at peace. They can effectively support you and help you in coming out of your grief.
The comfort and care that comes along with sharing grief itself helps us in healing. Sharing grief is a medicine of sorts for the pain and agony that comes with grief. It instantly makes you feel comfortable and relaxed.
How To Help Others Who Are Grieving
It is very disheartening to see people suffering from grief especially when they are our loved ones. Grief is a unique experience for each person and sometimes we fail to understand the gravity of the situation that is causing pain to our loved ones. We are driven by the need to help others who are grieving as man is characterized by feelings of empathy and sensitivity.
We can help other people who are grieving in a number of ways. One way of doing so is it to be with the person during grief. A person suffering from grief may develop negative and suicidal thoughts and so it is our duty to be with them during this time. You should make the person realize that you are always by his side by extending your support and love.
You can also help the person in the daily chores that include cleaning, cooking and washing. The person may not be in a condition to carry out all the activities all alone and so it is necessary that you help the person.
You can also try to strike a very normal conversation with the person so that he feels better. Simple gestures on your part like a hug or a smile may also be enough to make the person feel better.
Sometimes we find it difficult to chat in a normal way in the presence of a person who is facing loss of any kind. However, you should behave in a perfectly normal way with the person. You can offer your condolences by just saying I am sorry instead of finding decorative words that may not have any impact on the person.
You cannot expect the person who is suffering from grief to chat and laugh with you. Therefore, you must show a certain amount of understanding and sensitivity towards them.
You can present poems or stories that provide hope to the person who is grieving. The poems may provide the necessary inspiration to the person that may help him in coming out of his grief. You can also provide a patient ear to all the woes and feelings.
He may also share his memories with you, which help in reducing the burden of grief. However, you should not force the person to speak or share anything. He will share it on his own whenever he feels like.
The person may suddenly start crying or express anger at you too. However, you should understand the pain that the person is going through and try to control the anger by your soothing words or a simple gesture like a hug. You can also ask the reason of anger and such other negative emotions.
A grieving person is likely to take drastic decisions related to personal life or professional life. You should stop the person from taking any such decisions as it may have a negative impact on the person. Decisions taken during such times generally prove to be wrong and so it is your duty to make sure that the person continues with the daily routine.
If you want to help a grieving person make sure that, you don not express pit or show sympathy towards the person. A grieving person may not like his and this may also reduce the levels of self-esteem in the person. So behave naturally with such a person and do not make him feel that he is dependent on you for everything.
Another way of helping grieving persons is to make them realize that life has lots more in store for them. You can take them out for movies, music shows, or any activity, which interests them. This may trigger feelings of joy and happiness in them and help them forget their sorrows.
All of the grieving people need someone to share their feelings with and so you should always move forward and help the grieving person to the best of your abilities.
Grief As A Spiritual Experience
The entire process of grief takes some time to heal and at the end of the process when you come out of it completely you realize the lessons that you grief taught you.
You learn so many new things during the process of grief like dealing and controlling your own emotions, fighting pain and agony, knowing your strengths and reconstructing your life.
You may have severe losses like loss of a parent, spouse or child. When you face the reality that you have lost something which was very close to your heart you tend to break down and are over powered with all the negative emotions in the world.
Sometimes you also blame God for all the grief that has come your way. However, you fail to understand that every loss that comes your way is only to make you a better person with increased strength.
You always emerge out of the grieving situation as a new person who has a fresh and new perspective towards life. This is when you realize that your grief was only a way to make you aware of the abundant energy and positive vibes that are inside you. The experience of grief makes you wiser, stronger and you are ready to face all he challenges offered by life.
Grief leads you to introspection and evaluation of self, which are the basic elements of this spiritual experience. You learn to cope with the realities of life and the faith in the supreme power is also restored.
Your grief may bring you closer to God and you may develop a taste for spirituality. The meditation or yoga techniques that you practiced during your grief may also add to the spiritual experience.
Grief as a spiritual experience proves to be rejuvenating and refreshing. It helps you in connecting with yourself and understanding yourself better. You tend to ask questions during the process of grief which may be of a positive or negative nature.
Therefore, we should not be afraid of grief but treat it as a spiritual experience, which is necessary for our existence.
Conclusion
We experience various emotions in our daily life right from joy, fear, happiness, excitement to anxiety. Grief too is not different from these emotions but it is an integral part of them.
We should understand that grief is nothing to be scared of or to run away from. Instead, it is a great learning experience, which leaves us enriched and enlightened.
We have seen all the process of grief and the various features associated with grief. Whatever the situation is, we should always face it with optimism and courage.
Nobody can escape the process of grief. Everybody has to face grief in some form or the other at least once n the life. It is God’s wish that you go through grief, as life is certainly not a bed of roses.
However, each one of us can change the perspective of looking towards grief. Grief is not our enemy and if we treat it as a temporary friend, it is easier to deal with grief.
We all are aware of the fact that nobody can escape the clutches of grief. Then why not face it bravely and overcome it instead of fretting over it? Grief can prove to be a great spiritual teacher as seen earlier. However, we should not let it exercise control over us.
We can maintain a positive attitude by believing that every sad and painful experience is the sign of the happiness and joy that will be coming our way. The cycle of grief and happiness is continuous and one has to pass through this phase. Therefore, we should learn to embrace grief rather than shun it off.
It is difficult to maintain this attitude when we lose someone very close to us. Such situations lead to a fair amount of grieving which is a normal reaction in such cases. However, we should accept the reality as soon as possible and welcome life with open arms once again.
To conclude life is too beautiful to waste it in grieving and mourning. Instead, we can accept the loss of our loved ones and carry their memories in our hearts forever. These memories give us the strength to move ahead in life once again with equal enthusiasm and vigor.